blah blah blah Resolutions blah blah blah Weight Loss

I wasn't going to mention this, at ALL.  But who am I if not honest?  Well, besides honest, I'm fat.  (Also, I'm not always honest.  It sucks sometimes.)  It's true, though, about being fat.  Kind friends will shake their heads and say "oh no... you look great, blah blah blah".  All I hear is the 'blah blah blah'. This is what I know, I'm a good 30 lbs heavier than this one time when I felt great and people told me I looked great, and I figure I was a good 10 to 15 pounds heavier then than what I want.  I also know my snoring can be confused with a chainsaw massacre, I was growing out of clothes at an alarming rate, and despite my seeming affection for carrying them around, quadruple chins aren't that hot. 
So, I guess it was a "resolution" that I made this year.  I haven't done that since the rousing success of 2005's, "I'm going to start drinking" resolution. 
My resolution wasn't weight loss though.  Oh, I totally expect it as a by-product, but I didn't say, "I want to lose 45 pounds this year."  Nope, mine was to follow this Clean Eating meal plan indefinitely. 
I'm overweight for one reason and one reason only.  Wait, make that two reasons.  The first is the 2005 resolution to drink.  The second and biggest though is: My Relationship With Food.  It is dysfunctional, to say the least.
The plan is pretty simple, and I've used it before.  I just never stick with the dang thing.  So, my resolve is to STICK TO THE PLAN. 
I began tracking the days when I STUCK TO THE PLAN.  I put a little asterisk on a calendar.  This week, for some reason, I started weighing myself daily.  I don't recommend it, but this week it's been fun.  I've lost a pound a day so far. 
The plan sounds hard but isn't at all.  5 meals a day, all healthy and as organic or "clean" as possible.  I fudge a little on that because I seriuosly can't afford to buy strictly organic and grass-fed and free-range and all that. 
I spend a fair amount of time on Sundays packing my lunches for the week.  I pack them all up (1 lunch, a morning snack, an afternoon snack) and put them out in the spare fridge.  when it's time to go to work in the morning I just grab one of them. 
Before this, I had a candy bar every day at 3:00.  It was an uncontrollable urge, and without it I'd get shaky and crabby.  I also had this irregular heartbeat every once in awhile that would last just for a second or two but make me all dizzy.  Oh, and the quadruple chins. 
Now, I am never hungry, thanks to shoving food in my mouth every two hours throughout the day.  I think that the heartbeat was related to sugar, so I haven't had any of that for awhile either.  I still have the chins, but they'll disappear after another 10 days or so at this rate, I hope.  I still snore too.  But dang, I feel so much better by eating so much better. 
I don't expect to continue losing at the rate of a pound a day.  I think that's a function of being so heavy right now, but as I lose weight, it will start to come off more slowly.  I don't care at what rate it comes off.  I just want to keep on this Clean Eating plan and keep feeling good.  (okay, so secretly I fantasize that this rate of weight loss would continue, at least for another month or so!)

Asparagus Stuffed Rolled Steak

I am loving rolled steak.  It looks so pretty when you slice it, and if you stuff it with the right stuff, it's a meal in one.  Here's a recipe I made up tonight:

• Steaks (I had 1 1/2 lbs boneless chuck or something like that)
• 1/4 c panko bread crumbs
• 2T sliced almonds
• 2t Balsamic Vinegar
• 2 minced garlic cloves
• 1t dijon mustard
• salt
• pepper
• 1/2 lb asparagus (fresh or frozen works)

1. Preheat oven to 400 F.
2. In a bowl, combine the panko, almonds, balsamic vinegar, garlic, dijon, salt, and pepper.  
3. Wrap steaks in saran wrap (one at a time) and pound out so they are each about 1/4" thick.
4. Spoon the filling onto each steak, then lay the asparagus on the steaks as well. 
5. Roll the steaks and secure with kitchen twine
6. Bake, uncovered for 35 minutes (for medium rare, or longer for more done meat)
7. Remove from oven, cover in aluminum foil and let sit for 10 minutes.
8. Serve.

Our Dysfunctional Relationship

It's an awkward romance.  You give me what I want, what I need.  But I always want more.  Sometimes, I have such a strong craving for you, it's unbearable.  I get physically sick, dizzy, spaced out.  Then, when I get too much of you, I have the same symptoms.
Sometimes I spend so much time with you that afterward I am hungover, sick, and heartbroken. 
Sometimes you're hot, sometimes you're cold.  You are always indifferent.  You could be with me, you could be with anybody else.  But I don't care. 
Sometimes I work so hard for you, I dress you up, shower you with trinkets and decorations.  Sometimes you return the favor, you warm me, comfort me. 
Some romantic relationships follow a natural progression, leading to marriage and a growing family.  Oh, you've given me growth, and plenty of it. 
I spend half my time loving you and half of it hating your existence.  I throw you out, you come back. 
Damn you food, can't we just be friends?

Thanksgiving: Pie Birds and Can I Get a Butt Check?

That is a pie bird in a blueberry pie,
to stop bubbling over... My EYE!

No, no, my eye didn't bubble over.

What I mean is, the pie bird didn't keep the pie from bubbling over. 

You plant the little bird's behind on the bottom crust, pour your filling in, put the top crust on, and bake.  My ineptitude at baking may have been too much for his ceramic derrier to tackle.  Or maybe I cemented his booty too firmly to the crust.  Sorry bird.

Even so, the pie tasted delish. 

I also made Mama Stamberg's Cranberry Relish.  It looks like chunky Pepto Bismol, which is not a bad idea for a Thanksgiving side-dish.  (Oh, now there is an idea -- Pepto-Bismol ice cream with Chocolate Ex-Lax chips... omnomnom!) You freeze this relish.  My in-laws eat it, sans turkey, in an icecream dish for dessert.  So, the Pepto Bismol ice cream is not a far-out idea.

A shocking amount of the time, I can churn out quite a good dish.  I swear to you that although it doesn't taste like it, I pull these good dishes out of my backside and think, "holy crap I didn't think that would work."  Substitutions?  Lack of ingredients?  Lack of skill with a blow-torch or alder planks?  No problem.

Today was not one of those days. 

The pie bubbled over, the crust tore, I put too much water in the crust so it had a play-doh consistency, and the cranberry relish didn't freeze through.  I couldn't decide whether to categorize this as an edible pursuit or an inedible one.

Can I get a butt check?

Introduction to this Blog

I've always loved to write, but have wandered in and out of a creative fog for years. Basically, being a "writer" was a dream so distant, hazy, and unattainable that I finally shelved it.
At the same time, "falling in love with the perfect man" was also a far-away dream, so far removed from my life that I even resented those who did fall in love. I thought they were making it up, secretly settling for a good-enough partner but touting their love as "the real thing".
I met and fell in love with my perfect man. Things changed. Dreams became reality, and I remembered some shelved fantasies that might also be attainable just like that amazing love. I trained for and ran a marathon -- a dream that had been conceived and shelved 10 years before. I married my perfect man -- an inconceivable notion just a few years ago. My dream of writing was next up on the list of fantasies to be dusted off and (re)tried.
The book "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron entered my life. Two false-starts later and I'm writing. Please check out her book.
So, how can I call myself a writer? It's not like J.K. Rowling and I dine in London every couple of weeks. I haven't had a single word published (other than blogging) since 1996. But, I write every single day. Hundreds of words. The words don't have to do with work, or home, or anything day to day. They are totally the product of creativity. They come to light as a result of a lot of work, dedication, and practice. Whether or not they are enjoyed by anyone else is not the measure of my success.
Running the marathon was a very small part of my dream to run a marathon. The training was the big commitment. You have to run a lot. You have to run 5 days a week. Sometimes those runs can take hours. You do this for months. Then one day, you just run a long run, just like you practiced, and you check "run a marathon" off your checklist of things to accomplish in life.
Getting published is also a small part of my dream to be a writer. Writing, a lot, is the big commitment.
My next blog entry will be, "How much does a fiction writer make?" If you're like me, you're thinking, "Is she gonna get rich off this?" I'm wondering that, too... I'll share my plan with you in the next entry.