Don't "Want to Be", Just BE!

I love this post by Kevin Smith and I'm going to read it every day for the next little while.  Here is the link to it.
To paraphrase it, boil it down, summarize it, whatever, I think he's saying to Just Do It.  Except, he talks about that point where the tension is the worst, and that's the point between wanting to Do It, and Done It. 
There's the point in a hobby, career, relationship, diet, whatever where you want to achieve something.  In my long laundry list of things I'd like to be when I grow up, there is "Writer".  I want to be a writer and I want my writing to put food on the table, even if it is a few day-old pieces of fried chicken from Fred Meyer's.  About 2 years ago I still had that dream.  I had a lot of ideas in my head about the best-selling book I'd write, the articles I'd publish, book tours, and joining or starting a band like Stephen King, Dave Barry, and Amy Tan did years ago.  So I walked around wanting to be a writer a lot.  But I hardly ever wrote.  I was going to get to it, I just needed: a long vacation, a writing retreat, a workshop, a winning lottery ticket, more time, less work, blah blah blah.  As soon as that all aligned, THEN I could sit down and get my words on paper. 
I read this article one Sunday about a woman who started her own line of purses.  I could seriously care less about purses, but I loved her entrepreneurial spirit.  She cited the book "The Artist's Way" (which I've mentioned roughly 8 billion times) as her inspiration.  So I bought it.  After a couple of tries, I actually got all the way through it, which was a 3 month process.  And then every story I've ever written was published, I found wealth, fortune, fame... no, wait.  That isn't true at all. 
What did happen was I became a writer.  I started to treat it like a part-time job (one that I enjoyed!).  I started writing every day.  I wrote an entire book, several short stories, and page after page in my journals.  I quit saying, "oh, I'd love to be a writer."  I was one.  (And, I do love it.)
There was a brief stage where I still envisioned that point in my life when I'd make a zillion dollars from a book, and until then I'd just hack away at my journals and short stories.  But, then that wasn't important anymore either.  What became more important to me was to write.  To start and FINISH stories.  To learn new ways to improve my writing.  Those are all things that you'd do if you were a writer and making money at it, so why wait until you make money to do those things?  I'm not going to be a writer because the world says I am a writer by throwing money at me.  I'm a writer now, and I'm telling the world. 
Kevin probably says it better. 

Weekend Writer's Retreat

I hereby proclaim this weekend to be my own, personal "Weekend Writer's Retreat."  Wha?  18" of new snow and more coming?
Dilemma.
Write?  Ski?  Write/ski?  Write on the chair lift, ski back down?  Write about skiing?  Write my name in the snow while peeing?
Probably going to ski a bit, then sit by the fire and write a bit.
I have a few assignments I've been stewing on, not the least of which is The Effing Christmas Letter. 
I don't want to give too much away, but there will be a minimum of three.  3.  TRES Letters de Navidad!  A TRIO!!  I'll title them thusly (and swear to never use the word "thusly" again): Gaspar, Balthasar, and Melchior.  First person to figure out why I'm naming them that will receive an iTunes giftcard for $20.00.  Leave your answer in the comments.  All hail the blog giveaway...
Now, no more information about the Christmas Letter(s) and STOP trying to pry it outta me!

You Wet the Bed Once, and Nobody Forgets it!

Granted, I was 34 years old.  It was on a raft trip, a very remote raft trip.  No access to washing machines, fresh bedding, or even clean underwear.  It was a borrowed sleeping bag.  Still, What the Almighty Heck, People???
It must've been nerves.  We were rafting the Selway River in April.  The Selway in April is notoriously unpredictable.  One day it's a docile Class II/III, and in a span of less than 12 hours it is a Class V, your boats are swept away in the middle of the night, and your only option is to hunker down in bear country until the river subsides (which could be June), or run it with whatever watercraft you have left.
Our crew opted to run it.  They were experienced, competent boaters.  I was not. 
I went to bed the second night, sober and dry. 
I dreamt of my office job, specifically of my office restroom, the restroom which had a toilet seat you could actually sit on as opposed to a splintery piece of plywood with a hole cut in it, which you positioned your hoo-hah over and tried not to think of outhouse-dwelling-spiders. 
The restroom seat was smooth, comfortable, and welcoming.  Not unlike the lining of my friend's sleeping bag.
I walked in, closed the door, sat down, and...
OH MY GOD!!!!
I woke up midstream. 
Ever tried to, you know, dam 'er up?  Close the gates?  Screw the clamps down?  Restrict the flow?  Abort the mission?  (Side note: have you ever done an internet search for euphemisms for urination?)
The only feeling worse than waking up in the bed you peed, is waking up in the bed you are still peeing.  Had I not already been emptying my bladder, the shock of the entire situation could have caused me to wet myself.  But, I sort of had that covered. 
We had two more nights left on the trip.  I had zero changes of clothes left.  I also ended the trip with zero friends willing to loan me sleeping bags (or clothing). 
I have a hard time stopping myself once I've committed to peeing.  Oddly enough, I have the same lack of self-control when it comes to spewing incriminating and embarrassing stories about myself.  Thus, the bed-wetting story was leaked. 
And I got an email today from a friend so enamored with the story that he's shared it numerous times, and introduces me to people as "the Sleeping Bag Incident Teresa".  He must be concerned that people may confuse me with other Teresas, like "the Gourmet Cook Teresa" or "The Proposed-To-On-A-Hayride Teresa" or "The Chainsaw Juggling Teresa".  A common mistake, I'm sure.
So, there it is, my big, dark, non-secret.  My yellow letter U that I have to wear on my chest. 
I might as well just go with it.  You know, once a story like that is leaked, it's pretty hard to stop it.

Tools I Use: 2 (This is a Double Feature!)

The first tool is really just a personal preference.  I mean, all I'm talking about is a pen.  But I do love this pen.  It is balanced, sturdy, fits in my hand well, and I love the ink.
See, I hate despise pens that don't put out enough ink.  Then it feels more like you are etching words onto slate rather than writing smoothly.  Scratch, scratch, scratch.  And then the words are all spotty and pale and completely lacking authority.  All that scratching makes me pissy, too.  The sound of it is like, yes, fingernails on a chalkboard. 
On the other hand, a pen that produces too much ink makes your handwriting look like that of an addled junkie.  It looks like you may've paused too long mid-word, maybe taken a bong-hit, and just let the ink leak out of your pen with absolutely no guidance.  Hey guess what, the freebasing freelancer character (totally NOT referring to Hunter S. Thompson, specifically) is so 60s!  I like my handwriting to be at least legible, if nonsensical.  I can't have my journals looking like a vast collection of ransom notes and drug-induced poetry, even if they are.
I finally found the perfect pen.  It's the uni-ball Jetstream (I opt for the 1.0). If you want to write nicely, check out that pen.  Now, if you want to write well, check out Tool # 2 of this post!

Admittedly, the first tool in this review is probably "not all that important" to some.  It might seem pretty trivial.  So, along with the "not all that important" Tool I Use, I'm going to sing the high praises of a tool I discovered two years ago and am still using.
It is "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron.  This book changed my life.  God, I'm like a freakin' jumble of advertising snippets and cliches today, huh?  I had a couple of false starts with this book, but then really worked through it when I was also training for the miracle marathon.  By working through the book, I learned the value of writing daily, and writing through anything.  If you are remotely interested in writing as a career, get the book and work through it.  If you are not interested in writing as a career but are thinking of "doing something new" with your life, the exercises can inspire you.  Since finishing the book I've also finished writing the first draft of a book, I've continued writing every day (with some lapses), and have completed several short stories.  Oddly, the exercise has me reading like you wouldn't believe.  I've read a lot of books over the last two years.

Suckingness Averted!

You know I write every single day.  Today I pondered yesterday's post about "writer's suckingness."  Then I pondered another post I wrote about tools I use:  Index Cards.  You can probably see where this is going.
When I finished my freewriting this morning, I busted out the index cards and got busy on this short story I'm working on.  I wrote a single line about each "point" in the story.  Soon, a dozen cards lay before me on the top of our firewood box (the only clear surface in this house, so help me).  I shuffled them around, changed the order of a few things... and wrote 5 more cards. 
In other words, the story was missing an entire third of itself!  The things overlooked were really poignant.  I wept.  Filled partly with relief and partly with renewed grief over those topics that must be addressed and weren't, I did cry a little.
Here's hoping writer's suckingness will no longer affect this particular story.  It really deserves more...

Short Story About My Mother Takes Over My Life...

News at 11. 
It's one of many short stories about her.  It is meant to be poignant, memorable, sweet.  Like her.  But it's flat.  Flat as that funky cowlick on the back of my head.  I read this one and get to the heart-stopping punch line at the end completely dry-eyed.  I am working on a short story about the many things I miss most about my mother.  It's a story of preservation and death, a montage of our intertwined lives -- I'm her, she's me, we are one, but we are not -- but the story is about as emotionally engaging as my flat cowlick.   
The good news is that I and I alone have the ability to turn a brilliant, touching, true story into a press release. 
Yes, rather than breathe life into this story, I'm continually draining blood from it. 
Oh, the horror. 
What to do? 
Well, if "writing through it" works for writer's block, surely it works for writer's suckingness (the term I'm giving my current state of ineptitude). 
What do you do when you think you're writing sucks?  Or, am I the only one who's ever experienced this? 
I gotta go do something with that cowlick now.

The Tools I Use: 1

I plan to make this a regular tool review.  Daily, weekly, monthly, or annually, I'm not sure what schedule this will be on, but it will be regular...
To start, here is tool number 1 and where I got the idea:


The book is "Your First Novel" by Ann Rittenberg and Laura Whitcomb (order here: http://tinyurl.com/36lw984).  The tool I use are index cards.  I jot down a story element on an index card, like "Blake finds a body."  Then jot down another story element on another card, "Blake's vineyard is robbed."  If you look at the top card, I even fill in a few details about the element -- in this case it's a list of who his debtors are.



Once I do a few cards (don't get too hung up on whether your story is complete or not), I shuffle them around:



By doing this, I decided to start the story with Blake finding a body, because that's way more exciting than just being in debt (yawn).  Laying out these index cards is a great tool, it demonstrates holes in your story you didn't know you had, and it lets you move parts of the story around. 

When I see a hole in my story, I write another index card.  Usually the hole is pretty apparent, so what goes on the card is obvious.  "Blake's vineyard is robbed" might be the missing link between Blake finding a body, and Blake's creditors being hot after him. 

From there it's pretty easy to write your story and keep your momentum going.  Just number and stack your cards, then write about each one, adding details and whatnot.

I like using index cards for outlining a story better than traditional outlining (even in a program like MS Word where you can cut/paste) because you have the entire story right there in front of you (no scrolling).  It's a lot like doing a jigsaw puzzle, so that makes it fun too.

There you have it -- a great book about novel writing, and a Tool I Use for novel-writing:  index cards. 

What are your tools?

What I Do About Writer's Block

Yesterday was THE.  PERFECT.  WRITING DAY.  Snow falling, fire in the fireplace, no where to be...  So I sat down and began working on a project.  It's a project I've been working on for months.  You'd think it was an epic 7000 page novel.  It's just a short story.  Maybe 2000 words.
I rewrite a lot.  It's just how I work. 
I sat down to rewrite, with some additions in mind. 

What's that?  Dishes need to be washed?  Okay. 
I got up.  I washed a couple of dishes and thought, "Oh, this is an evil ploy by my brain to avoid thinking!"  So I gently nudged Velcro out of the red recliner, and assumed my writing position. 

Laundry.  I really should put a load in the wash. 
No, I should write. 
Just start a load and it can run while you write, you'll be multi-tasking. 
Fine. 
I put a load in the wash, poured another cup of coffee, and settled back into the recliner, noting that cats can truly produce the most evil and bone-chilling glare.

That fire is about to go out, better stoke it. 
Look brain, we are going to settle down and write.  That is that.  You are expending way more energy avoiding the task than just settling down and doing it. 
I stoked the fire.  Velcro glared.

Yesterday wasn't a great example of managing writer's block.  Here's what I do that helps: 

1. Write every day.  Every stinking day.  Don't worry about grammar, spelling, content, omitting or adding swear words.  Just do it.  Eventually you find that this task becomes your boot-camp for all other writing.  You are training yourself to let your mind go, and to press through and write.  No.  Matter.  What.  I write 3 pages per day, longhand.  It is some of the most miserable and unreadable tripe to ever emit from a pen...  If anyone ever read it, penmakers around the world would throw their hands in the air and scoff, "Really?  That is what she used these for?  Disgusting!"
2. Write.  Really.  If you're sitting down to write and your mind is totally not there, just start writing words.  Any words.  Even if it's unrelated to your project.  Write your name, a shopping list, it doesn't matter.  Keep doing it.  Next thing you know you'll be immersed in your project.  Or you won't, but you'll have your shopping list done. 

10,000 Hours Rule

"A journey of a hundred miles begins with just one step."
"Practice makes perfect."
"Practice, practice, practice."
In the book "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell, he repeatedly refers to the "10,000 Hour Rule".  Highly successful people achieved success from performing a task for 10,000 hours. 
Finally, at the ripe age of forty, I have accepted that a random publisher with deep pockets will not approach me on the street and say, "Hey, you look like you have a story, here's a million dollar advance, now go write it!"  That isn't quite how my fantasy of instant success went, but it may as well be.
Now, I'm too busy writing to day dream about instant success as a writer. 

1. I write for at least an hour every morning.  My goal is to write 3 pages, longhand.  It's just a brain-dump.
2. I then dedicate some time to working on whatever project I want -- short stories, a book, or just a list of ideas for more stories.
3. Weekends I write, usually more time on those projects in item #2.
4. I've started blogging, trying to make 3 entries a week. 
5. And I read: blogs, books, short stories, magazines, newspapers, cereal boxes, emails...

I definitely still dream of success as a writer -- and by success I mean earning enough money at it to do it full-time. 
But I think I'm a little too invested for it to ever be considered "instant."
How do you spend your 10,000 Hours?

What is Your Day Job?

What do you do to support your writing? Are you one of the people living my dream and supporting your writing with (dramatic pause) your writing? If so, how did you get to that point?

For now I'm an Application Support Engineer. It's a mouthful, but I think "Girl Friday" sums up my job nicely.

Yesterday I: updated a user guide, worked with two managers to develop a communications plan for an application, wrote test scripts to programmatically test software, answered a colleague's questions about MS Excel macros,wrote a quick little newsletter to some early adopters of our application, reported a few bugs, went for a run, and set up two new employees with development servers.

It supports my writing, my family, our dreams, our hobbies, and our future. I guess that's a fair trade. What do you do?

How Much Does a Fiction Writer Make?

Ever hear the joke, "What's the difference between X and a large pizza?" (where X is: a drummer, a ski instructor, or in this case could be a writer.)The answer to the joke, while germane, follows at the end of the blog.
For the non-J.K. Rowling writer, it doesn't appear to be the best-paying gig. As in, it really doesn't pay much at all. Damn the movies for convincing me that a writer's life is all tea and crumpets, fine dining, and a writing desk overlooking (fill in dreamscape here). I really was hoping for a job in which I could work in my pajamas. I guess that's still a possibility if I were to get a job writing reviews of mattresses for a mattress-maker.
For the fantasy job of writing fiction from the comfort of my writing desk overlooking the valley below and Mt. Rainier and Mt. Adams in the distance, and doing this in my pajamas, I should probably expect to earn enough to pay for the coffee that I consume while writing. Maybe. A person could pad that income by writing magazine articles, speaking for hire, or in my case, maintaining a full-time job. Basically, hustling. This article gives a good run-down of what to expect as a fiction writer: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070310135839AAbSlno
And I think that this author's candid post on the topic does a lot to inform prospective writers: http://laurasalas.livejournal.com/109047.html
So, if A) you're thinking "I want to be a writer and eat tea and crumpets whilst writing at my writing desk overlooking (x)" or B) you're thinking "when she hits it big I hope she remembers me" then I have news for you -- expect both to be a long time coming. That's really not enough to dissuade me from writing, and hopefully won't discourage you either. My goal is to just keep on writing. Earning money from that would be great, maybe I'd use it to buy a nice writing desk.
Now that we have that answered, the answer to the joke "What is the difference between a writer and a large pizza?" is: "The pizza can feed a family of four."Next blog topic, "What's your day job?"

Introduction to this Blog

I've always loved to write, but have wandered in and out of a creative fog for years. Basically, being a "writer" was a dream so distant, hazy, and unattainable that I finally shelved it.
At the same time, "falling in love with the perfect man" was also a far-away dream, so far removed from my life that I even resented those who did fall in love. I thought they were making it up, secretly settling for a good-enough partner but touting their love as "the real thing".
I met and fell in love with my perfect man. Things changed. Dreams became reality, and I remembered some shelved fantasies that might also be attainable just like that amazing love. I trained for and ran a marathon -- a dream that had been conceived and shelved 10 years before. I married my perfect man -- an inconceivable notion just a few years ago. My dream of writing was next up on the list of fantasies to be dusted off and (re)tried.
The book "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron entered my life. Two false-starts later and I'm writing. Please check out her book.
So, how can I call myself a writer? It's not like J.K. Rowling and I dine in London every couple of weeks. I haven't had a single word published (other than blogging) since 1996. But, I write every single day. Hundreds of words. The words don't have to do with work, or home, or anything day to day. They are totally the product of creativity. They come to light as a result of a lot of work, dedication, and practice. Whether or not they are enjoyed by anyone else is not the measure of my success.
Running the marathon was a very small part of my dream to run a marathon. The training was the big commitment. You have to run a lot. You have to run 5 days a week. Sometimes those runs can take hours. You do this for months. Then one day, you just run a long run, just like you practiced, and you check "run a marathon" off your checklist of things to accomplish in life.
Getting published is also a small part of my dream to be a writer. Writing, a lot, is the big commitment.
My next blog entry will be, "How much does a fiction writer make?" If you're like me, you're thinking, "Is she gonna get rich off this?" I'm wondering that, too... I'll share my plan with you in the next entry.